hi guys.
my shit's been wrecked. i've been unusually depressed since the spring. i've been depressed since 2004, but my depression has never been like this. previously, i remained active. i would create, progress, and enjoy things. however, i always had varying degrees of sorrow. now, since this spring, i'm not especially sorrowful. i simply don't find pleasure in anything, so i don't really do anything. i sleep away many nights and weekends. i primarily blame two things: my job and my apartment.
finally, change is on the way!
i'm moving into a house this weekend. my academic advisor is taking his sabbatical at stanford, so i'm living in his house until he returns. it's furnished (including three queen-sized beds), has a yard, a decent kitchen, and more. it's adjacent to campus, too. the only downside is that i have to care for the yard and some of his houseplants. otherwise, it's a great deal ($400/month + gas and electric).
i'm teaching ecns 204 (principles of microeconomics) this coming school year (during both fall and spring semesters). i wanted to teach for a long time (i don't want to teach lately, because i don't want to do anything). now i finally have the chance to teach, so i'm going to. it'll give me good experience for ph.d program applications, along with some back-up income (in case i quit or lose my primary job).
hail damaged my car recently, and my insurance company declared it a total loss. my transmission is bad, so i'm letting the insurance company take possession of the car. luckily, i can walk to class from where i'll be living, and i can ride my bike to work. it will be fun trying to live without a car.
i'm tapering off my anti-depressants (prozac, wellbutrin xl, and abilify). once i'm off, my doctor and i will be able to re-establish a baseline (i think this is important because my symptoms changed dramatically). then maybe i'll fine medication that is more effective for me.
i don't really know why i rambled off this post. maybe because i'm on some oxycodone right now (not feeling well, as usual). i thought i'd let you all know what's up, as i haven't been around lately (on ttf or otherwise).
my shit's been wrecked. i've been unusually depressed since the spring. i've been depressed since 2004, but my depression has never been like this. previously, i remained active. i would create, progress, and enjoy things. however, i always had varying degrees of sorrow. now, since this spring, i'm not especially sorrowful. i simply don't find pleasure in anything, so i don't really do anything. i sleep away many nights and weekends. i primarily blame two things: my job and my apartment.
finally, change is on the way!
i'm moving into a house this weekend. my academic advisor is taking his sabbatical at stanford, so i'm living in his house until he returns. it's furnished (including three queen-sized beds), has a yard, a decent kitchen, and more. it's adjacent to campus, too. the only downside is that i have to care for the yard and some of his houseplants. otherwise, it's a great deal ($400/month + gas and electric).
i'm teaching ecns 204 (principles of microeconomics) this coming school year (during both fall and spring semesters). i wanted to teach for a long time (i don't want to teach lately, because i don't want to do anything). now i finally have the chance to teach, so i'm going to. it'll give me good experience for ph.d program applications, along with some back-up income (in case i quit or lose my primary job).
hail damaged my car recently, and my insurance company declared it a total loss. my transmission is bad, so i'm letting the insurance company take possession of the car. luckily, i can walk to class from where i'll be living, and i can ride my bike to work. it will be fun trying to live without a car.
i'm tapering off my anti-depressants (prozac, wellbutrin xl, and abilify). once i'm off, my doctor and i will be able to re-establish a baseline (i think this is important because my symptoms changed dramatically). then maybe i'll fine medication that is more effective for me.
i don't really know why i rambled off this post. maybe because i'm on some oxycodone right now (not feeling well, as usual). i thought i'd let you all know what's up, as i haven't been around lately (on ttf or otherwise).
oh, and in five weeks, i'll be able to apply for a different job within my company. (i have to wait until my six-month probationary period is over.) if i can transfer within the company, i think i'll be much happier.
Wow, sounds tough. I hope you're able to pull your shit back together!
hey lucas. I hope your journey out of depression is successful. sounds like you have some good motivators.
hey larz, lets start workin on things <3
aw
In the immortal words of the homeless guy on the 9 train:
"I didn't mean to kill him. You made me do it. I didn't want this" ( screaming at his hand )
"I didn't mean to kill him. You made me do it. I didn't want this" ( screaming at his hand )
> hey larz, lets start workin on things <3
like what?
like what?
whatever you like. maybe projects, communication, updates?
ok.
:)
:)
i'm starting an maoi (emsam) in a few weeks! this is good, because i'm still doing poorly, and i haven't responded to any anti-depressants yet (i've tried lexapro, cymbalta, lexapro + wellbutrin xl, prozac + wellbutrin xl, and prozac + wellbutrin xl + abilify, all up to maximum doses).